What To Say If An Interviewer Asks If You Have Kids
It may seem like an easy, harmless question — but it’s highly inappropriate, and your response could seriously impact the outcome of your interview.
As it turns out, it is illegal to deny someone employment if they have children or if they are planning on having children in the future.
According to the EEOC, questions about the number of kids someone has or plans to have are frequently used to discriminate against female employees in particular.
There is, of course, a chance the hiring manager is inexperienced and unaware that this question is discriminatory and potentially illegal. They may simply be trying to make friendly conversation — but it’s more probable the interviewer is attempting to determine how committed you will be to the job.
“All interviewers try to mitigate risk, and in this case, they’re trying to gauge whether you have ‘distractions’ that will chip away at your work ethic —but unfortunately, many don’t realize that they’ve entered the discriminatory zone,” says L ynn Taylor, a national workplace expert and the author of “Tame Your Terrible Office Tyrant: How to Manage Childish Boss Behavior and Thrive in Your Job,”
While you don’t have to answer the question, you also don’t want to come off as combative and hurt your chances of securing the job. So what do you say when put on the spot?
Here are seven tips from Taylor on how to handle the “Do you have kids?” interview question without sounding like a jerk:
Rephrase the question to emphasize your commitment
Example: “Perhaps you’re asking if I’m focused on my work, can travel, or handle late hours. I can tell you that I have a very strong work ethic, regardless of what happens in my family life, and feel I can contribute a lot, particularly in the [xyz] area. I would like to know more about your goals for xyz.”
Inquire further for a better understanding of the inquiry
Example: “That’s an interesting question, but maybe you can help me understand why it might be important. I guess I’ve never been asked that before, but I want to know what matters in this position.”
Answer the question in a vague way that addresses your ability to do the job
Example: “I try to keep business and personal matters like that separate. I don’t think that my family life would ever affect my ability to do an excellent job here.”
Don’t flat-out answer it
Unless you’re 100% comfortable answering this question, don’t. Taylor says by answering questions about your family, you run the risk of sabotaging yourself during the interview or later on. “Once on the job, your boss may ask you related follow-up questions (also discriminatory), make subtle comments, or quietly make private conclusions based on your comments — which you can’t take back.” You may unwittingly limit your chances of future advancement by sharing too much about your personal family life, she adds.
Don’t be confrontational
There’s a fine line between being assertive and coming across as confrontational or aggressive, Taylor explains. “In general, you want to manage the conversation diplomatically to your own advantage, but also determine if the company offers the kind of workplace you want to join.”
Avoid becoming overly emotional or combative
You may instinctually want to respond with, “I’m sorry, but why do you care if I’m a parent … and what does that have to do with this position?” or, “I don’t discuss my private life.” But you’ll accomplish more by being tactful and friendly, but firm, Taylor says.
Use the opportunity to learn more about the employer
Remember that interviews are a two-way street. No matter how you decide to answer the question, notice how the hiring manager responds. Whether they press the issue or quickly back off, you’ll know “if you’re stepping into an intrusive Lion’s den or an upbeat, professional atmosphere where discrimination is unlikely,” says Taylor. If you get a sense that the company is too invasive, follow your gut and move on.